10 Practices for Healthy Hinge Relationships

In polyamory, the hinge is the person who connects two or more partners who are not themselves romantically involved with each other, as such the hinge holds a position unlike any other. They are not simply a link in a chain. They are a culture-setter, a conduit, and in many ways, the emotional blueprint for the entire polycule. The choices a hinge makes on a daily basis either reproduce compulsory monogamy patterns or actively dismantle them.

It is not easy to be a good hinge. Most of us transition to polyamory carrying a heavy cultural baggage, a colonial inheritance that shapes our models of love. We’ve been taught to see relationships through possessiveness, the absolute primacy of the couple, codependency, and the scarcity myth that affection is a finite resource. If one partner receives romantic love, the other must be losing it.

A good hinge has to unlearn all of that in real time. They must examine these models, challenge them, and practice a different way of loving.

What follows are ten essential practices for becoming a healthier hinge.