What I’ve Learned From My Lifelong Journey In Polyamory

Originally published in Chatelaine, this is the most autobiographical entry, and a good doorway into the whole project. Millie traces her polyamory back to age ten in 1990s Kenya, where she watched her tribes practice polygamy and even self-marriage, and clocked early that monogamy was only one option among many. Today she lives between two partners and keeps more than twenty 'comet' relationships, people she sees once a year or less, scattered around the world.

The reflections double as a tidy summary of Decolonizing Love's politics. Monogamy, she argues, has colonial roots: the 'love marriage' was globalized by Europeans between the 18th and 19th centuries, and none of her tribes were monogamous before British rule. Her one stint in monogamy, with a fiancé who insisted real love produces jealousy, taught her mostly about performance and possessiveness.

The logistics keep it grounded. She and Nick wrote a five-page agreement covering everything from safer sex to end-of-life planning, and she structures her week deliberately: three days with one partner, three with another, one alone, because she has learned she needs three days to build secure attachment. The closing note is the reason the platform exists at all. There still aren't enough visible, positive polyamory role models.