The Vessel: Taking a Compassionate Pause in Polyamory

Sometimes polyamorists take a break from dating new people to help support their existing relationships. It’s called a vessel. A term coined by Jessica Fern in Polysecure.

A vessel is a temporary, intentional agreement to pause the pursuit of new romantic and sexual connections.

It’s an act of relational triage. It may help people stabilize a new relationship, transition into non-monogamy, process trauma, rebuild trust, or develop the emotional and communication skills needed for a healthier open relationship.

But because we live in a culture deeply conditioned by compulsory monogamy, the concept of a vessel is frequently misunderstood. It is often weaponized to trap a polyamorist; proof that a polyamorist can settle down into traditional, monogamous exclusivity.

If you are going to create a vessel it’s worth it to take some time to understand how to form a vessel without suffocating those who are polyamorous.