Community & Chosen Family

@serena__purdy is my friend. And I’ve seen her work up close. Not just the public stuff you see in campaign materials. I’ve seen her help build the Kensington Market Community Land Trust so housing stays affordable for the people who actually live here. I’ve seen her fight to regulate Airbnbs when they were displacing long-term renters. I’ve seen her organize no-barrier vaccine clinics that reached thousands of neighbours during the pandemic. I’ve seen her defend public healthcare alongside experts behind the Romanow Report. I’ve seen her launch the My Friends’ Tab program so people could access food with dignity. And I’ve also seen the things that never make it into campaign graphics. I’ve seen her share her home with displaced people. I’ve seen her help someone outside the hospital get home when they were stranded and overwhelmed. She goes above and beyond in ways most people never see. She’s a real one. I honestly can’t imagine someone better to represent University–Rosedale in Ottawa. A lot of people don’t even know there’s a by-election happening Monday, April 13. Turnout in by-elections is much lower than general elections, and that’s exactly why every vote matters. Progressive change only happens when progressive voters show up. Please share this post, remind your neighbours, and check whether someone in your community needs help getting to their polling station. Vote Serena Purdy. Vote NDP on Monday.

Polyamory, as a relationship orientation, is characterized by engaging in multiple consensual and intimate relationships simultaneously. This approach to relationships offers a multitude of benefits. One of the primary advantages is the increased support system inherent in polyamorous networks. In such arrangements, individuals have access to a wider circle of partners, each potentially providing emotional, practical, and even intellectual support. This expanded support network can be particularly advantageous during challenging times, offering a diverse range of perspectives and assistance. Another significant benefit of polyamory is the resilience it fosters. As individuals navigate the complexities of multiple relationships, they often develop stronger coping mechanisms and a deeper understanding of interpersonal dynamics. This can lead to greater emotional resilience and a more adaptive approach to relationship challenges. Additionally, polyamory offers a sense of freedom and variety that is less commonly found in monogamous relationships. It allows individuals to explore different aspects of their identity and desires with various partners, leading to a richer and more diverse experience of love and intimacy. This freedom to explore and express various facets of oneself can be deeply fulfilling and contribute to personal growth and self-awareness. Next Events: 📆 The Art of Being a Hinge Workshop - April 19 (SOLD OUT) 📆 The Art of Being a Hinge Workshop - April 24 5:00pm PST / 8:00pm EDT / April 25 5:30am IST / 9:00am JST / 10:00am AEST / 2:00pm NZST

I’ve been active in social justice spaces for over two decades, and one pattern I keep seeing is how often people conflate terms and then weaponize them in ways that start to resemble the very dynamics they say they’re resisting. The urge to dominate others in the name of liberation and social justice has always been strange to me, though I recognize that’s partly because I was raised by parents who encouraged my voice and supported me in being as different as I wanted to be. When I try to understand why some people become controlling or domineering in movements for justice, even though that seems counterintuitive, I often see that these approaches were normalized for them early on. Research after the World War II found that collaborators were more likely to come from authoritarian family environments, while many people involved in resistance movements came from more liberal ones. If you weren’t raised with experiences of freedom, curiosity, and plurality, it can be hard to practice them, even when those are the values you want for the world. That’s why learning consent, respect for difference, and how to avoid harassment matters so much. Conflict resolution is a skillset, and like any skillset, it has to be learned and practiced. I made this list because I was noticing a lot of terms being blurred together in ways that weren’t helping anyone. My goal was to bring some clarity so that we can disagree more thoughtfully and build spaces where people can engage each other in healthier ways.

Knowing how to address harm and practice repair in community is one of the most important and most neglected skill sets in progressive spaces today. Many leftist circles have become genuinely toxic, not because the people in them don’t care, but because they are using colonial tools: disintegrative shaming, power-over dynamics, public humiliation to do something that is actually quite delicate. Something that requires patience and love as a central praxis. bell hooks said love cannot exist where there is domination. And yet domination has become the default response to harm in many of the very spaces that claim to be building liberation. We are at a critical moment in history. Fascism is not a metaphor right now. It is policy. And we are not going to make it through if we cannot figure out how to be in healthy community with each other. How to actually address harm, how to distinguish a genuine accountability process from a pile-on, how to be proportional in our responses, and how to tell the difference between addressing harm to an individual and confronting institutional power. Those require completely different tools. Call-out culture, as it is currently practiced, needs to end. Not because harm doesn’t deserve a response it does but because public shaming has never been a path to transformation. It is a path to performance. People learn to say the right things. They don’t change. What we need instead is the capacity to actually hold an accountability process grounded in love, led by the people closest to the situation, voluntary, off public platforms, and oriented toward genuine repair. We need to stop mistaking virtue signaling for values, and we need to stop doing the work of divide-and-rule for the very systems we claim to oppose.

Millie estaba visitando a Nick en México. Cuando compartimos fotos del viaje, muchos empezaron a pedir que organizáramos un encuentro. Hubiéramos preferido planearlo con más anticipación, pero esto realmente vino de la comunidad. Lo que empezó como una idea espontánea, rápidamente se convirtió en algo increíble. Así, ayer tuvimos nuestro primer encuentro internacional de Decolonizing Love en la Ciudad de México. Gracias a todos los que asistieron e hicieron de este encuentro algo tan hermoso y acogedor. La calidez, apertura, y curiosidad que se respiraba en el aire significó mucho para nosotros. La Ciudad de México nos mostró mucha generosidad y comunidad, y estamos muy agradecidos por el cariño mostrado hacia Decolonizing Love. Esperamos que esto sea solo el comienzo. Millie was visiting Nick in Mexico, when we shared photos from the trip, people started asking if we could organize a meetup. Ideally we would have planned it further in advance, but this really came from the community. What began as a spontaneous idea quickly grew to something incredible. As such, yesterday we hosted Decolonizing Love’s first international poly meetup in Mexico City! Thank you to everyone who came and made our first international meetup so beautiful and welcoming. The warmth, openness, and curiosity in the room meant a lot to us. Mexico City showed us so much generosity and community, and we are very grateful for the love you showed Decolonizing Love. We hope this is just the beginning.

Friendship was never meant to feel like performance or a competition. It was never meant to feel like hierarchy. Colonization didn't only shape nations. It shaped how we relate, to ourselves & to each other. If your friendships feel heavy, confusing, or one sided, it might be worth asking why??? Here are 5 patterns I see often: - You over give but call it loyalty - You avoid difficult conversations to "keep the peace" - You center comfort over truth - You confuse proximity with intimacy - You fear being “too much” so you shrink If any of these sound familiar, dont worry, you aren't broken. It just means you learned how to survive inside systems that were built on dominance, scarcity, &  control. Healthy friendships require: - Reciprocity - Repair - Accountability - Room for growth - Space for difference If you cannot tell the truth in your friendships, then they are NOT safe. If only one of you is stretching, then it is NOT equal. If love requires your silence, then it is NOT love. Decolonizing your friendships will cost you comfort. It may cost you access but it will never cost you your integrity. If this stirred something in you, I invite you to sit with it. Journal on it. Talk about it with someone you trust. & if you want deeper support around decolonizing your life & relationships, my ebook Decolonize Your Life: For Beginners is linked in my bio. Sliding scale always because accessibility matters. Supporting this work supports my ability to keep doing it. We will save us. It's time. If any of this is resonating with you, let me know in the comments below. 🫶🏽

This is the last week of Black History Month, February 28th. They gave us the shortest month of the year, but as always, we take what we’re given and create magic. Blackness is powerful, a thread that weaves together the world’s oldest cultures with those who have been made the fulcrum of empire, the central point upon which power and exploitation have been balanced. One of the greatest acts of defiance against empire has been the endurance of Black love, community-building, and kinship. Black women and queer folks, in particular, have been at the heart of this labor, crafting support networks, healing wounds inflicted by colonial violence, and reimagining futures outside of oppression. This is precisely why European patriarchy imposed restrictive laws against women and queerness— ecause these structures of care and fluidity threatened the rigid hierarchies of white supremacy. In many of our ancestral cultures, women held central political, spiritual, and economic roles, and queer people were not only accepted but often revered, serving as spiritual leaders, healers, or key figures in our most sacred celebrations. It is disheartening to see these puritanical and religious laws still upheld across the African continent and diaspora, yet many continue to challenge them, fighting to reclaim the traditions that have always been ours. Our histories have never known love as possession or care as conditional. Love, in its truest form, has always been abundant. Kinship has always been built on reciprocity, not restriction. And sexuality deeply intertwined with earth, spirit, and celebration has never carried the weight of Western shame. To decolonize is not just to resist, but to remember. To unearth what was buried, to speak what was silenced, to live in ways that feel true to who we have always been. Blackness is not just survival, it is creation, transformation, and boundless possibility. And as this month comes to a close, the work continues. Because our history is not confined to 28 days.

¡Ciudad de México! Voy a armar un meetup polimoroso en la Cineteca Nacional el miércoles 4, de 6:30 a 9:30pm (GMT-6). Yo (Nick) voy a estar ahí para convivir, escuchar y conectar con la comunidad poliamorosa. Si vives el poliamor, lo estás explorando, o simplemente te da curiosidad y quieres conocer a otras personas que aman de formas no tradicionales, ¡cáele! Puedes venir solx, con tu pareja, o con tus parejas. No necesitas tener tu estilo relacional resuelto; solo llegar con respeto y mente abierta. ¡Nos vemos ahí!

Around the world, people are struggling against all sorts of odds. What sustains them in brutal conditions are practices of collective care, organizing, and resistance. These books illuminate those practices: how to build community, heal internal conflicts, decolonize the mind and nervous system, and live with and resist trauma generated by oppressive systems. They also trace real histories of victory and pushback, from anti-colonial movements to the Zapatistas.

Love is abundant in polyamory, but time isn’t. Balancing it all under capitalism is challenging, even with the best intentions. As a relationship anarchist, I don’t prioritize romantic relationships over family or community connections. Last year, I reduced my work hours to just over 80 hours a week after friends told me they weren’t seeing me anymore. But because I prioritize nurturing my friendships, I haven’t had bandwidth for new romantic relationships. Which is ironic because now that my situationship has ended, I finally have space for a new partner. But I am an eternal optimist about developing time management skills and in 2026 I’ll somehow figure out how to fit in additional partners. If you’re also trying to balance multiple loves with limited hours, know you’re not alone in the struggle, we’re all out here doing our best. 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

One of the worst things about monogamy culture is how easily friends get sidelined the moment someone gets into a relationship. Overnight, a new romantic interest becomes the sun and everyone else gets treated like background characters, because compulsory monogamy teaches a hierarchy where romance is the pinnacle and every other bond is basically a placeholder until “The One” arrives. But humans aren’t meant to be held up by one relationship. It takes a village to make us whole. No single partner can be your best friend, therapist, co-parent, hype person, adventure buddy, elder, and emergency contact without that turning into pressure and resentment. So respect your friendships, whether you’re monogamous or polyamorous. Especially during NRE. Your friends have been there through your messy seasons, your growth seasons, your grief, your joy. Don’t trade community for a romance storyline. Build a life big enough to hold both. thread by @openrelating 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

Why is the default plus-one always “a romantic partner”… and at best if you’re single it’s like, “cool, bring your mom”? 😭 That’s amatonormativity: the idea that romance is the main (or only) relationship that counts, the one that makes you “legible,” safe, and complete. But a real life is a whole ecosystem. Let people bring their best friend, their sibling, their roommate, their chosen family, the person who actually shows up, is their emergency contact, and helps them build stability. It takes a village to raise a human… so why are we still acting like only couples get a village pass? 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

Ditto! I live in an anarchist neighborhood, and nearly all my friends are polyamorous and/or queer, so sometimes I forget the everyday minutiae of toxic monogamy. I thought there was going to be a cute polycule first meeting at the hospital. Imagine your metamour delivering your baby ☺️ 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

I’ll do a review once I’ve figured out how to read this without destroying it 😅 Rare books are a gift because they carry perspectives you don’t always find in the mainstream, but the downside is the fragility. One day I’d love to add it to an accessible digital archive. If you’ve read this one, tell me what you thought (and what stood out). 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

We’ve coached polyamorous people from all over the world, including places so remote there aren’t even permanent settlements, just researchers, and even small islands my National Geographic obsessed self hadn’t heard of. So when someone tells me, “There’s nobody poly where I live,” because they're in a rural area or small town, my honest reaction is that it’s incredibly unlikely. This skit came from a real pattern we kept seeing. Within a few months, we had multiple clients from the same state, far from the capital, and each of them was convinced they were the only poly person anywhere near them. If you’re from a remote place and think you’re the only poly person, it’s much more likely you’re not. People around you are often quietly non-monogamous, curious, or closeted about it, especially in places where it feels risky to be visible. The numbers back that up: research has found roughly 1 in 5 people have engaged in a non-monogamous relationship at some point, and a YouGov poll found 43% of millennials say their ideal relationship is non-monogamous. Guest actress: Monika Fahim @monikathehuman

It's awesome here. Wouldn't want it any other way. Pic by @polydotland

Being polyamorous when a hinge dies can soften the grief in a way that’s hard to explain to people who’ve never lived inside a polycule. Metamours get it without the long backstory. You’re grieving the same person from different angles, and that shared reality can be weirdly stabilizing: a kind of mutual witness where nobody has to translate how big the loss is. One of my favourite compersion moments I’ve ever heard was partners at a funeral cracking up together, remembering that the deceased was famously good at oral. But polycule care isn’t only a death thing. Polyamory can be profoundly supportive any time life gets rough illness, surgery, burnout, depression, chronic pain, a bad season where basic tasks feel like climbing a mountain. When someone is ailing, having “roundabout care” from partners can be everything. You can rotate who does the pharmacy run, who brings food, who sits in silence, who makes them laugh, who handles logistics, who deals with family stuff, who keeps the house from collapsing into chaos. It means the burden doesn’t quietly default onto one person until they’re resentful and depleted. People get love “on the clock” in the most literal sense. And for the person who’s sick or grieving, that matters. Because receiving care from multiple people can be a reminder that they are not an obligation they are loved. These are some of the underrated benefits of polyamory. It’s chosen family that understands intimately.

Yup, I can actually say this has happened to me. Polyamory communities (like queer communities) can be super interconnected. Everyone seems to know someone who’s dated someone who’s dated someone. I once had a metamour whose partner had dated a friend of mine, and it genuinely made me laugh at how “small-world” it all is. It’s basically the “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon” game… except Kevin Bacon is you.

I’m a firm believer that there are plenty of wonderful, like-minded people out there, and with time and effort, you will find your people. Through this platform, I’ve had the privilege of speaking with polyamorists in the farthest corners of the world. Being early in a paradigm shift isn’t easy. But when you trust that others exist, it becomes less about searching frantically and more about living authentically. Freedom and authenticity are magnetic, they spark change and draw your people toward you. I’ve lived across different parts of the world and always found my community because I knew there was more, and that others were thinking along similar lines. Polyamorists aren’t found only on dating apps or at meetups (though we do have a resource list on our website). Being open in your truth matters. And just like in monogamous dating, yes, there are toxic polyamorists. The good news is that discernment improves with practice. So don’t be disheartened. You’re not alone, and you’re not imagining the possibility of something better.

I swear every major city in the West thinks it's the centre of polyamory. People in Montréal swear “everyone is poly now.” An app developer once told me Toronto, where we’re based, has the highest number of polyamorists per capita. Meanwhile, our own community data shows the biggest concentrations of followers are in order: Melbourne, New York, Los Angeles, Berlin, Delhi, Rio de Janeiro, and Cape Town. My theory? Polyamory is growing wherever progressive, queer, and creative cultures thrive. And honestly, I’m thrilled to see how big it’s becoming in lesbian communities. I’m old enough to remember the days when being a poly femme meant dealing with a lot of biphobia in lesbian spaces. Love that the zeitgeist shifted. So what do you think, is poly becoming the new norm among lesbians? And where have you seen the biggest poly scenes? Video from Tiktok content creator @ lily0e