Relationship Anarchy

Actually, in some ways it’s an amazing time to be alive if you’re a relationship anarchist: you get to witness the erosion of compulsory monogamy culture alongside the decline of the American empire’s global coercive power. About half of Gen Z and a substantial share of millennials now describe non‑monogamy as their ideal relationship structure, with surveys indicating that roughly 50% of Gen Z and 43% of millennials consider non‑monogamy their preferred model, even if they aren’t currently practicing it. Just a few years ago, only about 1 in 10 people reported ever having been in an open relationship, but recent nationally representative data from the U.S. and Canada now show that approximately 1 in 5 (around 20%) of adults say they have participated in a consensual non‑monogamous (CNM) relationship at some point. It has also become increasingly common to see “ENM” or “poly” listed on dating apps, reflecting a growing public vocabulary and normalization of non‑monogamy; at the same time, various jurisdictions are beginning to introduce legal and policy reforms that acknowledge the rights of polyamorous families and multi‑partner households. There is also growing public awareness that the modern ideal of obligatory monogamous couplehood is tied to colonial and patriarchal property regimes rather than as some timeless “natural” form of love. There is a weakening of America’s ability to unilaterally bully other countries, as more states and blocs now coordinate outside U.S. control, building alternative institutions and trade routes that make it harder for the U.S. to impose its will. Next Event 📆 The Art of Being a Hinge Workshop - April 24 5:00pm PST / 8:00pm EDT / April 25 5:30am IST / 9:00am JST / 10:00am AEST / 2:00pm NZST

Nick and I are both anti-hierarchical, but we are not both relationship anarchists. Yet people constantly assume that being anti-hierarchical automatically means practicing relationship anarchism. Those aren’t the same thing. Someone can be anti-hierarchical and simply practice egalitarian polyamory. And conversely, someone can identify as a relationship anarchist while being monogamous. Not all relationship anarchists are polyamorous. Relationship anarchism is a relationship philosophy rooted in political anarchist principles. It comes out of anarchist thought about power, authority, and social organization. That’s why it’s strange when people claim relationship anarchy while holding conservative politics, or when they say they’re relationship anarchists but are comfortable with hierarchy. Both misunderstand the philosophy. If you’re going to invoke anarchism, it should actually mean something. Otherwise you're just coopting anarchism. I’ll be doing a workshop on this soon. Comment ANARCHISM and I’ll send you a DM with the link once registration opens.

Amatonormativity often perpetuates the belief that a romantic relationship is the sole path to achieving security and building a meaningful life. This perspective can overshadow other forms of relationships that are equally, if not more, significant. The idea that only romantic partners can provide stability is limiting. In reality, there are various ways to establish security and fulfillment. For instance, living with friends, relying on them in times of need, and even appointing them as emergency contacts are all viable options. These choices reflect the age-old adage that it takes a village to raise a human. The traditional concept of a nuclear family, while valued by many, can sometimes lead to feelings of isolation. On the other hand, a chosen family, comprised of friends, offers a more flexible and potentially rewarding alternative. Such relationships often provide a sense of freedom that might be harder to find in conventional family structures. Stepping away from the societal script allows individuals to redefine what interdependence and happiness mean on a personal level. This shift encourages exploring diverse relationship dynamics that align more closely with personal values and aspirations. It’s about crafting a life that feels authentic and fulfilling, outside the constraints of traditional expectations. *Amatonormativity is the belief that romantic relationships are universally desired by everyone and inherently superior to other types of relationships. It often implies that a monogamous, romantic partnership is a normal and essential goal for all individuals. 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

toxic variant, which is marked by codependency and the prioritization of romance over other types of relationships in one’s life. While polyamorists can also fall into these patterns, they are generally less likely to do so. This is because individuals who embrace polyamory often approach it through a critical examination of societal norms about love and relationships. By challenging conventional norms, polyamorists are more inclined to question other potentially toxic societal teachings and are typically more intentional and thoughtful in how they structure their relationships. Additionally, polyamory inherently requires good communication skills and a balance among multiple relationships, which can foster a healthier dynamic. This approach encourages a broader understanding and appreciation of diverse relationship structures, which can lead to more fulfilling and equitable connections.

Freeing people in one area almost always creates more liberation elsewhere. It’s a domino effect. How many times have you heard monogamous people say they like poly content because the relationship philosophy applies to their own lives, like improving communication? Ending compulsory monogamy culture benefits everyone regardless where they fall on the relationship orientation spectrum. Relationship anarchy resources: Relationship Anarchy: Occupy Intimacy! — Juan-Carlos Pérez-Cortés Expansive Love: A Practical Guide to Relationship Anarchy — Tuck Malloy The Art of Relationship Anarchy: A Revolutionary Approach to Love, Intimacy, and Connection — Deanne Meyers The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy — Andie Nordgren Stitch with @ jaiiymoses on Tiktok

Love is abundant in polyamory, but time isn’t. Balancing it all under capitalism is challenging, even with the best intentions. As a relationship anarchist, I don’t prioritize romantic relationships over family or community connections. Last year, I reduced my work hours to just over 80 hours a week after friends told me they weren’t seeing me anymore. But because I prioritize nurturing my friendships, I haven’t had bandwidth for new romantic relationships. Which is ironic because now that my situationship has ended, I finally have space for a new partner. But I am an eternal optimist about developing time management skills and in 2026 I’ll somehow figure out how to fit in additional partners. If you’re also trying to balance multiple loves with limited hours, know you’re not alone in the struggle, we’re all out here doing our best. 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

Ditto! I live in an anarchist neighborhood, and nearly all my friends are polyamorous and/or queer, so sometimes I forget the everyday minutiae of toxic monogamy. I thought there was going to be a cute polycule first meeting at the hospital. Imagine your metamour delivering your baby ☺️ 🤝 Need polyamory support? Book a 1:1 coaching session or use our Relationship Agreement Generator to set boundaries for your polycule 🔗. Links in bio 👆✨

Please remember: this journey is about self-actualization, which means showing up authentically for yourself rather than performing what you think you “should” do. Don't exchange monogamous scripts for polyamorous scripts. You don’t need to be friends with your metamour if that doesn’t feel right for you. You don’t have to de-escalate to friendship just because you’ve seen others do it. You’re allowed to honor where your heart truly is. The point isn’t to follow rules or impress anyone, it’s to build relationships rooted in honesty, consent, and alignment with your own needs and desires. Give yourself permission to define polyamory in a way that reflects you, not just what you see modeled online or in your community. That’s where the real liberation is.

If someone’s using “relationship anarchy” as a get-out-of-jail card for poly problems, they’re full of shit. RA doesn’t absolve you of responsibility. It doesn’t exempt you from accountability, consent, or honoring boundaries, agreements, and commitments. The whole point of RA is choosing your own relationship structures based on what the people involved actually agree to—not “no rules,” not “I do whatever I want,” and definitely not “your feelings are your problem.” RA is about mutual respect, shared decision-making, and building relationships around your values instead of defaulting to the relationship escalator. Everyone’s voice matters. Care and freedom aren’t opposites in RA, they’re supposed to be practiced together. If someone claims RA but has zero political grounding, no understanding of anarchist thought, and no ability to talk about theory-as-praxis… they’re probably not a relationship anarchist. They’re a relationship libertarian: “don’t tell me what to do, but I still want access to you.” Next time a fuckboy claims RA, ask what he’s taken from Andie Nordgren’s manifesto, or what anarchist frameworks inform his relationships. Watch how fast their bravado evaporates.

The term Relationship Anarchy (RA) was coined and popularized by Swedish activist and writer Andie Nordgren in their 2006 manifesto, "The Short Instructional Manifesto for Relationship Anarchy." It is fundamentally based on political anarchist principles, specifically the idea that human beings should be self-governing and that power should not be concentrated in hierarchies. While conventional culture trains people to perform love as possession, confusing control with commitment, RA prioritizes authenticity. Conformists often struggle in relationships because they are obedient to a rigid social template. This colonial mindset rewards "normalcy" over honesty and punishes curiosity with shame. It forces every connection into a singular, respectable shape: the couple as the center of the universe, the nuclear household as the only valid family, and jealousy as the ultimate proof of devotion. In these relationships, partners end up policing one another for compliance rather than building consent based agreements. RA exposes this by asking a fundamental question: Are you relating from a place of freedom and responsibility, or are you merely reenacting a script designed to make you governable? Video by Tiktok @ instageorgious @instageorgious

This trend toward diversifying relationship models is part of a broader cultural movement toward personal authenticity, customization, and freedom of choice in matters of love and partnership. People are questioning societal norms and realizing that many aspects are constructs they don’t have to abide by. In the future, it’s likely that society will increasingly recognize and validate a spectrum of relationship choices, ranging from monogamy to polyamory, and including the choice to pursue soloamory – a lifestyle where individuals prioritize their independence and may not seek romantic partnerships. As this understanding grows, the next generations may be raised in a world where the choice of relationship style is seen as a personal decision, devoid of societal pressure. This evolution in societal norms could lead to a more inclusive and understanding environment, where individuals are empowered to pursue relationships that align with their true selves, fostering greater happiness and fulfillment.

People confuse a lot about Relationship Anarchy (RA). It’s not a relationship orientation but a relationship philosophy. RA much like Anarchy was coined Andie Nordgren in a manifesto on Tumblr in 2012, RA applies anarchist principles to intimate relationships, encompassing romantic, friendships, family, and community connections. Its values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, anti-normativity, and community interdependence. RA rejects hierarchy, meaning that romantic partners don’t automatically take priority over friends or familv. RA’s approach is rooted in the belief that all interpersonal relationships are equally valuable and deserving of freedom and respect. More on RA in a post that can be found on the highlight terms. ✨ Decolonize your love. For deeper dives into polyamory and power: Subscribe on Substack to support this work. 💞 Need support in your journey?

Life is fluid, and non-monogamy allows love to move freely within it. There are no scripts in nature, only one's unique rhythm to listen to. 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

Relationship Anarchism is rooted in anarchist principles. It’s literally in the name. To claim “relationship anarchy” while being apolitical is an oxymoron. It’s cooptation. You can’t remove the politics from a framework that was born as a critique of power, control, and ownership. Relationship Anarchism isn’t just about who you date or how many partners you have; it’s about refusing hierarchy as a moral and structural value. It’s about liberation, personal, relational, and collective. If someone isn’t politically anarchist, anti-hierarchy, or at least actively interrogating their relationship to power, they’re not practicing relationship anarchy, they’re performing it. The liberation part isn’t optional. 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

A relationship anarchy event with one of the poly content creators who once criticized me for being “too anti-hierarchy” just popped into my feed. Performative white women stay ironic. Among decolonizing activists, being anti-hierarchy is foundational. Hierarchies produce inequality by design. They require coercive power to sustain themselves and normalize domination as order. But I also know most people haven’t read decolonial theory or follow many decolonizing activists, so the sheer unethicality of hierarchy still sounds “radical” to some. Still, there’s one group where it’s especially absurd to see hierarchy tolerated: relationship anarchists. Anarchism, as a political philosophy, is built on dismantling hierarchy in all forms: state, capitalist, patriarchal, and interpersonal. Bakunin called hierarchy “the authority of man over man,” warning that even in communities that claim to be free, domination creeps back unless dismantled. Kropotkin’s Mutual Aid showed it’s cooperation, not control, that sustains life. bell hooks said it plainly: “Love and abuse cannot coexist.” If hierarchy demands obedience and control, then it cannot coexist with love, only with possession. Relationship anarchism without a real commitment to anti-hierarchy isn’t anarchism. It’s cosplay. The gap between theory and branding has never been wider, and the cost of that gap is paid by those of us doing this work seriously. Not for optics. For liberation.

Decentering romance isn’t about rejecting love. When we shift our attachment from the couple at the top of the hierarchy to a wider web of kinship, our sense of security expands. Friends really are chosen family. Our romance-obsessed society trains us to treat friendships as placeholders until a “real” partner comes along, and to funnel all our energy into the nuclear couple or family. That script isolates us into units that are easier to control and sell products to. But kinship can be just as nourishing as any romantic bond. To actively decenter romance, you can ask yourself different questions: Who do you truly want to build a home with? What long-term projects or dreams could you share with friends? What if the people you travel with, raise children with, or age alongside aren’t always romantic partners, but chosen family? When we break the monopoly of romance, love stops being scarce. Friendship, collective care, and community become sites of deep intimacy too. That’s the radical shift: not putting romance last, but refusing to let it eclipse the other loves that sustain us. 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

Queerplatonic relationships (often called QPRs) are a type of close and committed relationship that came from asexual and aromantic communities. People created this idea because sometimes a bond is more than friendship but doesn’t feel like a traditional romance either. Society often tells us that romantic love is the most important kind of love this belief is called “amatonormativity.” QPRs push back against that idea by showing that other kinds of connections can be just as meaningful. In a queerplatonic relationship, people might live together, share money, or take care of each other long-term. What makes it “queer” isn’t only about sexuality or gender it’s also about how the relationship itself challenges the usual rules of what love and commitment are supposed to look like. QPRs give people language to value and honor deep bonds that don’t always get recognition in mainstream culture. Although the term started in ace (asexual) and aro (aromantic) spaces, it has since been embraced by polyamorous and queer communities too. Many people use it to describe important relationships that don’t fit neatly into categories and don’t need to. 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

Please remember: this journey is about self-actualization, which means showing up authentically for yourself rather than performing what you think you “should” do. Don't exchange monogamous scripts for polyamorous scripts. You don’t need to be friends with your metamour if that doesn’t feel right for you. You don’t have to de-escalate to friendship just because you’ve seen others do it. You’re allowed to honor where your heart truly is. The point isn’t to follow rules or impress anyone, it’s to build relationships rooted in honesty, consent, and alignment with your own needs and desires. Give yourself permission to define polyamory in a way that reflects you, not just what you see modeled online or in your community. That’s where the real liberation is. Thread by @goddess.khali 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

Some relationship anarchist tweets for your timeline. 💖 Want more clarity in your connections? Try our Relationship Agreement Generator, also in the bio.

I'm a relationship anarchist, and while I've always been polyamorous, I'm still constantly unlearning compulsory monogamy, especially when it comes to decentering romantic relationships. I don’t place romantic partners above friends, chosen family, or community. But I’ve historically enmeshed with romantic partners. So now, I’m consciously working to unlearn that pattern and be more intentional about how I build intimacy and interdependence across all kinds of relationships. Recently, I had a friend move in with me while I was de-escalating from a nesting relationship, and it really got me thinking: what if we built polycule-like constellations with friends, too? I’ve been dreaming of a life with multiple partners across the globe—moving between them, building with each of them. But I also want to do that with friends. What does it look like to create shared goals, co-housing visions, or financial collaboration with platonic partners? I’m actively working on that now, figuring out how to more deeply enmesh my life with the people I love, not just romantically, but expansively. And this isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable. I’m constantly challenging myself to align my reflexes with my values, and gently inviting myself back into alignment. It’s slow work, but it’s healing.